A Fount of Wisdom

Lately Ava has been spouting off things she's been learning in Bible class. She is constantly saying things out of the blue that she has commited to memory. "Jesus loves you even when you make mistakes." "Jesus says 'Let the children come to me.'" I love to hear these things coming out of her mouth. I love to hear her sing the songs she learns at church and the songs she has learned here. Cody and I were treated to a rousing rendition of "This Little Light of Mine" yesterday in the car. She started it a little too low so by the time she got to the last "let it shine" it was way down in her throat and sounded so funny. This is a golden age for building a foundation of faith.

Thunder

It has been raining almost non-stop for 24 hours now. Last night the gentle rain turned into a thunderstorm at some point. Ava had slipped into our room and was laying in her pallet on the floor. Around 5 AM there was a crash of thunder that sounded like a canon going off in our bedroom. It's been a long time since I heard thunder that loud. Nate slept through it, but Ava stirred and woke up soon after it sounded. I invited her up into bed with us and she snuggled in and slept peacefully the next few hours. Ava has always enjoyed sleeping in our bed, even as a little baby. In fact, she spent a lot of nights actually sleeping on top of my chest as an infant since that was one of the only ways to get her to stay asleep. She and I used to take naps together many afternoons when she was a baby and we still do sometimes. Here's the strange thing to me: Nate has NEVER, not one single time slept with me in our bed. The few times I've tried to lay down with him in our bed to nap he would not settle down. He will only sleep in his crib- and he falls asleep there quick and easy and sleeps great. I've only held him sleeping in my arms a few times. I've held a sleeping Ava hundreds of times. It's amazing how different two kids can be.

The Pressure

I understand what it's like to rarely be able to perform to the best of one's ability because of self-inflicted pressure and feelings of doubt. I feel for Sasha Cohen and her difficulties last night as she fell twice and slipped to silver. I never could perform in college the way I knew I could in my heart. I'd stand in front of my peers to sing (a roughly monthly requirement as a vocal music major) and give adequate performances. But I never could overcome my own fears to deliver that amazing cool, self confident, faultless, knock their socks off performance...the kind I can deliver easily in the shower, or driving along in the car. I'll never completely understand the root of my double standard or how to rid myself of the nerves that plague me, and she might not as well. That may have not even been the problem for her last night, but if it was, then I understand.

Smell

They say the sense of smell is the sense most linked with memory. I believe it. I'm bombarded countless times a day with memories associated with certain smells with which I come into contact. I buried my face in an old quilt last night that smells just like my grandparent's log house. A house I haven't stepped inside of in years. They are both gone now, but the smell on that quilt links me to them like nothing else can. There is a rarely experienced smell that is a mixture of exhaust and I don't know what else that transports me back a decade to when I walked all over the streets of London and started dating Cody during our semester abroad. It's a city smell. I can't describe it, but I can smell it in my mind. Our house has a smell that was strong to me when we first moved in. Now I can only smell it when we've been away for a few days. But when we walk back in- that familiar smell hits me so strongly. I think back to when we first found this house and how we fell in love with it. I'm thankful for all the little "smell links" woven into my life.

Blink

I just finished reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. This book is about the split second decisions our mind makes subconsiously every day. It's about how we can "just know" something without knowing how we know it. I found many of the aspects covered interesting, but one of my favorite topics was the section about the interaction of couples. There is a psychologist that has studied married couples as they converse with each other. He can watch a 15 minute tape of them talking with each other about a neutral topic and predict with 90% accuracy if they will still be married 15 years later. There are a lot of things he looks for, but the number one predictor is how much contempt he sees between them. Also worth mentioning, is that he has found there needs to be a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negitive interaction for a successful marriage. There are a lot of interesting tidbits throughout this book, especially for people interested in human behavior.

24 Season One

I'm half way through the DVD's of season one of the show 24. You know, the one with Kiefer Sutherland that not that many people watch. This show is incredible and I can't understand why the ratings are not better. I also can't believe it's already in season 5 or 6 and I've missed all those years. Although, I prefer watching the entire season at my leisure on DVD. No commercials, no waiting from week to week. It takes a while to get through the season though- I mean, there are 24 hours to watch. There's a lot of action, cliff hangers, twists, sub-plots, and Sutherland is a likeable hero. I highly recommend it!

Worst Onion...Ever

I just chopped the most potent onion of my entire life. This onion put me in PAIN. I was really hurting. My eyes were streaming with tears and I was emitting low groans of pain as I continued to chop. I wanted to finish. I wanted to be done with it. I paused ever so slightly to wipe my eyes on my sleeves. My daughter looked on with concern. Half way through my eyes were closed...from consious effort or just swelled with tears I am not sure. I kept chopping with eyes closed. I really did not care if I cut my fingers. The onion must be chopped, and I was convinced that no pain- including cut fingers- would equal the sting of this onion that was terrorizing me! Several groans later, and bending in pain, I triumphed.

Thanks, Mister

I took the kids to the grocery store this morning. The store where I shop is often full of elderly people in the mornings. Today was no exception. There were only two check out lanes open, and we were third in one of them. An old man came up behind us holding only 2 bags of pasta (compared to our overflowing cart). The kids were starting to act up a little and all I wanted to do was get out of there. I was already somewhat frustrated that the lines were so full. I did not want to offer to let this guy go ahead of us, although I knew I should since he only had 2 things. So when it was almost our turn, I turned and asked if he wanted to go ahead of us. "Oh, no...no...thanks," he replied, as if he had all the time in the world. He then started talking with Nate and Ava. Nate smiled at him and Ava spoke with him a little bit. I casually spoke to all of them as I loaded the groceries onto the conveyor belt. He was smiling so much and enjoying the kids. As our groceries rang up, he took two chocolate egg candies from a bin and handed one to each child and told the checker that he would pay for them. We thanked him profusely and all wished each other a good day as I rolled the cart away and Ava bid good-bye to everyone. That man made my day. Maybe the kids made his- who knows. The thing is, I left there with a warm heart, wanting to do something nice for somebody else. It's amazing what a small act of kindness can bring about.

First Fast

I'd never tried fasting before. It wasn't even on my radar screen until a few years ago. I can not remember any teaching about it during all my time growing up attending church. I have had some teaching on it in the past few years, and certain circumstances led me to a first attempt. I still don't have a completely clear understanding of fasting, but I am slowly coming around. I was always confused about how not eating would give me more time to read the Bible or pray- I mean, I can dedicate more time to that and still eat a good meal. I didn't know what good would come about in me or in my relationship with God just by skipping meals. The whole thing sounded counter-productive. Won't I just sit around thinking how hungry I am? I'll be too weak to pray or do anything.

I have to say that it did not play out exactly as I had imagined in my mind. I ate dinner one night and did not eat again until 24 hours later. During that 24 hours I slowly saw a shift in my thinking. At first I was wondering what my body would do. When would I feel hungry? I felt a bit of pride as I thought about how I was attempting something new. I went through the morning as always with the kids, not thinking too much about spiritual things. Then at lunch time I felt hungry. I started thinking about all those that feel hunger and have nothing to eat. It made me so thankful to God for providing food for our family. I started thinking of all the things God provides for us so easily. I thought about how much he cares about me. I started feeling thankful for my children and praying for their futures. By dinner I had even a new shift in thinking. From thankfulness to repentance. I thought about all the things I let fill me besides God. I am a want it now- get it now kind of person in the way I think about food, money, relationship, etc. So often I turn to these things in search of comfort instead of giving my heart to God. I eat when I'm hungry, but I also eat when I am bored, or lonely, or hurting. Why do I eat then instead of praying and listening to God. This was opened up to me during my time of hunger and I was thankful to see it.

I did feel a sense of spiritual growth during my time of fasting and will most likely do it again sometime. I had actually intended to fast longer than 24 hours, but at almost exactly the 24th hour my body became very ill and I had to break the fast. It was difficult to eat when I broke the fast, even though I was hungry- my body was rejecting the food after not eating for 24 hours. I think I have a sensitive system. I felt physically bad and went to bed early. When I woke in the morning all was back to normal. I think fasting becomes easier on the body after practice.

If considering a fast- I recommend reading the section on fasting in Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster or other literature before trying.

Party's Over

The party was today and that marks the end of "Ava's third birthday extravaganza." Now we have to wait a whole year to do it all again. We had so much fun today with 6 three year olds and their boundless energy. One of my favorite pictures is of Ava and her 5 friends sitting in a row on the couch. Each one has a different look on their face. Each has their own little personality and countenance about them. I tried to imagine those same kids sitting in a row 15 years from now. All of them at age 18...how they would still resemble strongly these little faces we see today, but they would also be different. More mature. Young men and women. If the first 3 years is any indication, then I know a decade and a half isn't really that far away.

Guilty Pleasure

I am not sure if I should admit this or not, but I like the show Dancing with the Stars. I don't even know who any of the "stars" are. I watch it for the dancing. I have always admired those who can dance. How often I've wished in the back of my mind that I could learn to move that way. If I could experience the fast paced, demanding scedule of dance practice those stars do...I'd love every minute of it. Well, I would love it if my body was able to catch on, and feel horribly disappointed if it confirmed a complete lack of ability. I've never felt fluid, flexible, or especially coordinated. I've never given it a firm try though, so I hold onto the hope that it would be possible if I ever decided to go for it. Maybe I can take the beginner ballet class with Ava when she turns 4.

Flirting with Disaster

My main goal is to keep Nate from grave injury and it seems his main goal is to be injured. I once saw a shirt that read "Master of Disaster"...which would be totally appropriate for our little daredevil. Every day he gets hurt. Yesterday he fell head first HARD into a door frame and got a big knot on the side of his face by his eye. This morning, just as we were walking out the door, he fell and started bleeding from the mouth. It got all over my shirt and filled a wash rag as I tried to stay calm and stop his crying. He usually gets over these injuries pretty fast, but the knot in my stomach and the cringe in my heart takes longer to fade I think. He's a tough little boy, thank goodness. And I guess I have to accept that he is going to be aggressive, that he'll climb (and fall!), and run around and bang into things. That's my boy.