Dear Diary...

I found my old high school diaries last week in a box in my closet. I read through the pages with a mix of interest and disgust. It's sad to think about how wasted my teen years were. Wasted with insecure, naive, boy-crazed, self-centered, fearful, lost thoughts. I was a desperate person then. Desperate to be loved, to succeed. Every little thing was a major crisis. So many hours wasted on worry and self-doubt. I know it's common to experience these trials in the teen years, but I do believe that my case went beyond the normal mix of hormones and emerging independence. Frankly, it's a miracle that I ever came out of such a dark insecure time with a shred of self-appreciation, decency, and hope for a good future. If I had known then how many wonderful things lay ahead of me- the amazing husband, precious children, solid friendships, spiritual growth, joy, and security...then I wouldn't have been such a basketcase. I would have chilled out and ejoyed life. Woulda, coulda, shoulda...helps me remember to enjoy where I am now so I don't repeat my mistakes.