Monday, November 12, 2007

Alive Again

I'm finally back among the land of the living. I may not have been physically dead over the past 5 days, but there were times I found myself wishing for it. That always sounds so extreme, in the aftermath of illness. It is hard, even 5 minutes after, to remember that exact feeling of gut-wrenching agony when the body is so very ill and/or in pain.
This morning when I woke up I was deeply disappointed. There was still no sign of any change. My energy level had been a bit higher Sunday, but my throat pain and the sores on my tonsils were still just as bad as they had been. And just to give a clue as to how bad that might be, when the doctor looked at my throat Friday evening, he gasped with a pained expression and quickly looked away. And today I think I may have scarred my mother-in-law for life by letting her see the inside of my mouth. It is nightmare material, folks.
Then miraculously around 2:30 PM I suddenly realized that my neck and throat were not in terrible mind-splitting pain like usual. And, I was 2 hours past the time for my tylenol fix. See, I have been taking tylenol for pain every 4 hours, day and night, since Wednesday afternoon. Finally, now finally, the pain was beginning to subside! I checked my throat. It still looked bad, but maybe the swelling was down. Then later tonight I have checked my throat to see that several of the spots have disappeared. There are still many patches of white that need to go, but I can tell I am on the road to recovery. About a day too late though. I was supposed to go on a fun trip with Cody tomorrow which has been cancelled. And I have really been feeling down about it. How often do we plan something fun like this? Hardly ever. And what happens when we do? I am struck with a horrible tonsil disease. By the way, I have no idea if this tonsillitis is viral or bacterial. I didn't even know there were two kinds until the doctors enlightened me. Bacterial tonsillitis is treated with antibiotics. Viral tonsillitis must run its course because there are no treatments. I've had 2 blood tests and both revealed completely normal blood counts! No raised levels pointing either direction. So, we have treated it as a bacterial infection just in case. I am on my third type of antibiotic and will continue until it is completely gone.
These past days have just been awful. Some of the low lights:

Listening as Lucas crawls repeatedly to my closed door, scratches on it, and cries
for me knowing that I don't have the strength to hold him.

Waking up drenched with sweat, or shivering under loads of covers unable to stay

Fearing the next swallow, every swallow, because it is the worst possible pain

Going to the doctor repeatedly, wondering why nothing is working, wondering if I am
going to miss my trip (which ended up happening after all.)

But, even in the most awful times, there are blessings. And here are a few I experienced:

My in-laws. Cody's parents have helped out so many hours and taken such good care
of the kids. They are so loving and take such good care of us all.

Listening to Ava and Nate pray for Mama to feel better.

Cody changing the sheets when I feel they have been too drenched with sweat. I'm
thankful we have a washer and a drier and a comfortable bed for me to sleep in.

Many friends offering to help. Thank you.

I am so thankful to be feeling better. There is still a ways to go. But at least tonight it looks do-able. I am breathing a big sigh of relief.


Lynn Leaming said...

So thankful you are better. So sorry you will have to miss your trip. Glad you could find some blessings in it all. It takes be very intentional to find the blessings during such a trying time! Way to go!

Amberly said...

Glad you are feeling better. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

Kristi said...

I am so glad that you are feeling better! I am really sorry that you had to miss your trip. We will pray for another one to come in the near future!

Heather said...

Glad you are slowly recovering! I hope you continue to feel better.

Stephanie said...

Yay! I am so glad you are feeling better!

Christina said...

I'm so sorry to hear how painful things have been for you. I am glad though that you are finally feeling better! I can't imagine how awful it was, but you painted a pretty vivid picture!

Quad Squad! said...

Praise God! I'm so thankful you are on the mend! And I'm really sorry about your trip. I know what a disappointment that must be.

granna said...

I am just so thankful you seem to have turned the is so hard seeing someone in pain and not able to do anything about it--and especially when it is your I can at least do what I see that needs to be done so that there is less for you to do when you do feel better, just trying to lessen your feelings of being unable to do the things you need or want to do and take that off your mind. Altho I think you were too sick to even think about that too much--altho as moms we know those thoughts never leave us completely. And as to that's gonna happen, we will make sure of that, just will have to go to Plan B--life happens while you are making other plans. I was much older than you when that really meant something to me. Life has lots of disappointments but you have so much to be truly joyful about.