Ladies, if your husband worked in an small office setting with only one other employee and that employee happened to be a young (college age) unmarried female, would you mind?
Why or why not?
Actually, this is not a hypothetical question. This is the actual work environment of a branch of Cody's company that recently opened. There is one male engineer (same age and job description as Cody) and one female college intern. They are the only people in the office.
When Cody told me about it, my immediate response was that it made me uncomfortable. It wouldn't matter if there were more employees, but the idea of only the two of them working all day in close proximity bothered me. The thought had not even crossed Cody's mind. Is this an unreasonable discomfort, or does anyone agree with me?
14 comments:
I am not married, but this makes me very uncomfortable. In my office, we have a young unmarried female who has become good friends with a young married male in the office. He is often in her office with the door shut just chatting and even that makes me nervous with them on opposite sides of the desk!
As an HR professional, this is the typical set-up for something that ends up in my office! Lots of not good scenarios result from this setup such as 1) they may fall for each other or 2) (why this would personally make me uncomfortable and why my husband doesn't go to lunch alone with women in his office), is that the female could pull sexual harassment on the male because of something unintentional but done by the woman if she was upset or just a misunderstanding. These are just 2 scenarios that make it not a good situation and there are LOTS more. So no, it is not strange for you to feel uncomfortable.
~ Renae Cates
Though I trust my husband immensely, it still would make me uncomfortable. It's just not a great situation for either of them to be in.
Absolutely a terrible situation. Even the most trustworty guys can be tempted or as others say can be falsely accused of something. Best to avoid that situation.
Yes, this would make me uncomfortable, too! Jim and I have always agreed that neither of us should ever be in situations where we are alone with members of the opposite sex whether they are married or not, as long as we can help it. Not only do you run the risk of getting involved in something you shouldn't, but you also run the risk of unintentionally putting doubts in your spouse's mind about you, even if you're completely innocent.
I totally agree... I would definitely be uncomfortable with that set up. Just not a good scenario to be in on a daily basis either person.
I totally agree with you. My husband also gave me a "for instance" situation. What if this man and woman were out somewhere, completely innocent. How is it perceived to everyone else? It's best to not ever put yourself (or anyone) else in what could become a compromising situation. PLUS it leaves all sorts of room for harrassment complaints among other things.
I agree that even if both parties are married, it isn't the best situation. Even if I were the college intern, I would be uncomfortable in that position.
hmmmmmmmm...awkward. Is there anyway it can be changed?
I disagree with every single comment and I actually find them quite sexist. It seems that some have jumped to the conclusion that because the two workers in the office are of the opposite sex there is an immediate risk.
Granted, no situation is quite so cut and dry - there are personal variables about each person that determine whether there is any real risk of foul play. What if the male engineer was 65 and devoutly married - would you question his principles? What if that young unmarried female turned out to be gay? Would you still be so worried? (Yes, I'm being extreme here.)
I'm a realist so I know that in this day and age such an arrangement is an HR nightmare. Its just sad that some have grown to assume a man in a higher position will become enchanted with the sweet lil' intern and find himself saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" a la Bill Clinton.
I'll admit that were it my husband at the first sign of anything unprofessional I would shoot through the roof. I also acknowledge that I'm a feminist (read: gender equality, not male basher), liberal hell bent on changing gender sterotypes. Who is to say that he won't be a role model and a mentor to her? I'm not sure what sort of engineering this is, but I thought there was sort of a shortage of female engineers? Granted they didn't have to put her in the brach with just 1 guy, but who else is she going to learn from if not a man? I would really like to know what is so wrong with this situation? What am I missing?
I hope that I've added another voice to the debate. Nice topic Becky!
Good points Elaine.
Cody also thought it was sexist because the office only needs the one engineer and one intern and it would not be fair to hire a male intern just to avoid the fact of having a female and male working together as I described.
However, I do think this situation is conducive for forming strong emotional and perhaps even physical bonds, even if the two have high morals, good self-control, and the highest professionalism. Simply because there is no one else around at all. 10 hour days, 5 days a week, working closely with a mentor ...may cause some inappropriate bonding.
But I guess if one was gay, or decrepit then it might change that statement. :)
I just don't know for sure. I'd like to think that if I were in that situation (as a young college intern) I would be able to maintain a completely professional outlook especially with a married man. But I have extremely high expectations for myself in that particular area, and I don't know how many people do.
I read a prayer from heartlight.org that made me think of your blog, but I realized it is for all couples as you strive to keep your marriages strong. No easy answers to our office places, but good communication between Cody telling you what was happening and you telling him your feelings about it made him aware and you saw his point, but more importantly he was made aware of yes this is how the business world works ideally, but everything is not ideal..I will quit here..I could tell a story about a friend of mine and another girl who worked in an office of 6 guys, and her experiences..God bless your marriage
I was initially appalled at the situation and thought nothing good could come from it, but after thinking it over several days I see that I too jumped to conclusions. I was assuming the worst from both parties. The flip side of this has basically occured in my house over the last 2 weeks. We've had contractors in here laying tile (and it has drug on way longer than it should!) but just because I've been left alone with a man---or men at times--- doesn't mean we will automatically do something inapproiate. Ultimately, we all have choices concerning our behavior and if we are in a loving, committed relationship (or single yet respectful of other's marriage vows)then there really is no decision to be made.
I'm not sure how old this post is...excuse my late comment. I think the key to strenthening the marriage in this situation is communication. First, not every male and female are attracted to each other. So many factors make up "attraction" which in my mind equals risk. From the get go the married couple should have an open discussion about how both spouses feel about the situation and how any discomforts could be remedied. Things that come to my mind would be, having intern over for dinner to meet the family, maybe even on a regular basis. Heck, intern may have a boyfriend or fiance who'd like to be included in order to quell some of his anxieties as well. I think the approach should be to keep it natural and open. At the first sign of any attraction from either party? In my opinion...no job is worth a damaged marriage, find a new one a.s.a.p.
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