This may come as a surprise to some, but I really hate talking to people I have just met or don't know very well. It is one of my least favorite things to do. And, I think that sometimes I appear sort of stuck-up or standoffish when I don't make a huge effort to talk with people I barely know. There are several reasons why I dislike it so much. First of all, I am just bad at making small talk. I've gotten a little better over the years, but I still think I stink at it. I have often said stupid things, and my brain refuses to find anything interesting to say. Secondly, I am really self-conscious. I assume that I look dumb and sound dumb, so I don't want to start up a conversation and showcase those two things. I know, I know, I am in reality stunningly beautiful and astoundingly intelligent. No need to reassure me. Kidding! But it is difficult to overcome my supposed shortcomings and force myself to be outgoing. I am great at talking with people I do know. It's just that entire "getting to know them" process that is agonizing.
The reason why I think this may be surprising to some people is because I am often the first one to introduce myself to a visitor at church. I invite people to things, and try to make them feel welcome. But I just want to confess that I am only doing it as the result of sheer will-power. Every single time, I must force myself to talk and be engaging, since it is the last thing I want to do.
And then there are still plenty of times when I don't strike up a conversation with someone I barely know. My insecurities and dislike win out. So I probably appear to be uninterested and wrapped up in myself. And really, I am wrapped up in myself. Not in a "I'm better than you" kind of way but a "I am afraid of being vulnerable" way.
It's just a part of my character that I have to fight with daily in order to overcome. But since I know it is important to form relationships and make people feel appreciated and welcome by conversing with them, I keep trying. I wonder what kind of character traits others are fighting through that I never realize.
4 comments:
I am the same way. It is so hard for me to meet new people. Also, what you may not know is most of the time I am in a group of people I still feel very alone. While I was just surrounded by 32 ladies at the retreat and conversed with many I came home feeling like I had been there alone. Weird, I know.
It's funny that you posted this today. I have always thought that there was some reason that you didn't like me. It has always seemed that when I tried to talk to you....you weren't interested in talking to me. Probably a little bit of my paranoia on my part! Anyway, I told my husband today that you actually seemed interested in talking to me this morning! (Hopefully, this is not coming off as rude! Just wanted to let you know that I appreciated what you said on your blog today and I appreciated our conversation!)
Carol
I totally understand this because you could have been describing me in your post. And it really is true will power when I am able to accomplish talking to someone new. But I'm definitely better at this than I used to be.
You will probably get better with this as you get older. I did. I will be 50 next month - I can do this much easier than I could when I was 30.
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