Saturday, January 31, 2009


I am so frustrated tonight. I've completely lost my voice. It started Thursday night. I was at book club, talking 100 miles per minute (as usual) and as the evening progressed, my voice got more and more hoarse. I came home thinking it would be better the next morning. It wasn't. I drank water and hot tea all day and rested it as much as possible, to no avail. I figured by today it would surely be better. Nope. Not even close. Today is definitely the worst day yet. I can't even make a sound. I must whisper if I want to speak at all.

This has really been cramping my style. First of all, I never realized how much I rely on voice commands while keeping my kids under control. Right now, I have to be about one foot away from anyone I am speaking to or they can't hear me. There's no saying a couple of words from across the room to keep an argument from escalating. I can't just call out directions for them to follow. It has been a major issue. Frankly, I am exhausted from trying to communicate with them all day in a whisper. Then today we had Ava's birthday party. Try explaining activities to a half dozen 6- year-olds in a whisper voice. Plus, I was not able to talk to any of the adults who came. It was driving me crazy.

Last night, before drifting to sleep, I was wondering what I would do if my voice never came back. It made me so sad I almost started crying. I know everyone uses and appreciates their voice, but my voice has always been a huge focus in my life. I have been a singer since, well, preschool I guess. I've always loved singing, and even majored in vocal music education in college. Singing to and with my kids is one of the most enjoyable experiences I know. I started thinking about losing that and how deeply it would hurt. And even though I think, rationally, that my voice is eventually going to come back, I am still a little worried about it because tomorrow will be the fourth day it has been a problem.

I have never struggled with this before. I've used my voice with abandon, especially through college and for 5 years after as a music teacher. In all those years, I have never lost my voice like this. But this is my second time to lose it in about a 6 week period. It was not as bad last time, nor did it last as long, but I did lose my voice for about a day. The strange thing is that I don't even feel that sick. I have a little bit of drainage, and voice disappears. I've had drainage before and not lost my voice. What is going on?

I've decided that if it isn't better by Monday I'll have to go see a doctor. Hopefully this isn't going to become a regular occurrence. I don't think I can take it.


Kaitlin said...

I woke up Christmas morning with my voice gone, for no reason at all.

I probably lose my voice once every quarter. It's a pretty common occurance for me. I never realized it until someone pointed it out to me.

Dara said...

I am so sorry! Believe me, I know how you feel. This happens to me about 3-5 per year. It is miserable... The worst for me is not being able to sing (at church, in the car, to and with my kids... just awful!). It is amazing how much we rely on our voices to get along. We would all be very sad if yours never came back, Becky! I sure hope you are doing better now!