Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Stop It!

I couldn't think of a better title than the words I heard from God this morning. I often hear a message from God while I jog because it is a time that I pull deep within and listen. Up until about 6 months ago, I didn't really think it was possible to hear much from God, at least nothing direct, above and beyond the words of the Bible. Now I realize that my heart was never really listening. Nouwen uses a quote that I love, "Heart speaks to heart." I truly believe now that when I quiet the inner chaos that is my thoughts, desires, fantasies, and arguments and make myself available to hear a word from God, he may actually have something to say to me.

And today that happened. I was jogging along, having a very good and successful run, when I suddenly started to worry about how I would be doing in another mile or so. The worry about the future of the run started to affect my present running. I felt weaker, unsure, fearful, when just before I had felt totally fine. And God said, "Stop it!" I'm paraphrasing here because it's more of an impression that clear speech, but he also said, "Look around and enjoy the place you are right now. The trees are lovely on this trail. The air is cool and pleasant. Your body is working well, you feel good. Don't miss this moment in worry about what running will be like 10 minutes from now. And by the way, stop doing that in your everyday life, too. You analyze the past and worry about the future instead of living in the moment."

Guilty as charged. It is SO hard for me to live in the moment. I feel like the kid who just can't grasp 2 plus 2 equals 4 no matter how many times the teacher says it, demonstrates it, or bangs me over the head with it. So here I am, yet again, trying to start off the day with the goal of remaining in the moment. I long to have the simple trust required to exist in the now and let God be God.

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