I had a revelation today that Jesus understands that false self, in fact he must have had his own false self tugging at his true identity or the temptations he faced in the wilderness wouldn't have even been tempting. Provide for yourself, prove that you are special, be powerful and successful in the world's eyes...these are the things that appeal to a false identity that wants to matter to somebody, anybody, besides just God.
Why do I keep relating to you as one of my many relationships, instead of my only relationship, in which all other ones are grounded ? Why do I keep looking for popularity, respect from others, success, acclaim, and sensual pleasures ? Why, Lord, is it so hard for me to make you the only one ? Why do i keep hesitating to surrender myself totally to you ?
Help me, O Lord, to let my old self die, to let die the thousand big and small ways in which i am still building up my false self and trying to cling to my false desires. Let me be reborn in you and see through you the world in the right way, so that all my actions, words, thoughts can become a hymn of praise to you. I need your loving grace to travel on this hard road that leads to the death of my old self and to a new life in and for you. I know and trust that this is the road to freedom. Lord, dispel my mistrust and help me become a trusting friend. Amen.