Monday, October 29, 2012

Speak Lord, I'm Listening

I'm thinking about radio frequencies this morning because I was just at the gym feeling frustrated that I have no way to tune into the stations listed above the televisions.  I can't read the subtitles while I jog because it makes me dizzy.  My iPhone won't pick up FM radio, though.

I realized this mirrors my life because I am always listening to something, but it might not be the best "station."  For years of my life, I walked around unable to tune in to the frequency of God talking to me and revealing his will and truth to my heart.  I was mostly tuned in to the "Me" station which is the dialog in my head that has a tendency to be mostly lies and false realities.  My inner station says things like you've gained a few pounds so you aren't pretty anymore and not really worth much.  You can't run 3 miles in 30 minutes, what's wrong with you?  You better get some attention and praise from the people around you to make sure you are okay and valuable.  I wonder what that person is thinking about you.  Can you cover this up to make yourself look better?  You've messed up and there's really no way to redeem this's hopeless.  People aren't treating you better set them straight and demand your rights.  If you try and fail, you're worthless.  

And on and get the picture.

The "Me" station is my default but every once and a while, sometimes for a short period of time, sometimes for longer, I tune in to what God is saying to me.  And at the risk of sounding like a fruitcake, I really believe God speaks to me either through written words, Scripture, other people, or (oh yeah, I'm going to say it) directly to my heart and mind.

It just happened last night.  I was feeling down about something so I called my friend and spilled my guts about how I was feeling tempted to worry about what other people thought of me.  I was really battling it in my head.  I knew I should focus on God instead of working myself up imagining what other people's opinion of me might be.  So my friend spoke some truth to my concerns.  After we hung up I picked up my Jesus Calling devotional book on a whim.  I had not looked at it in a few weeks and have no idea why I felt the urge to look up the date and read what it had to say.  I opened it up and read this:

"Don't be concerned about setting the record straight.  Instead of obsessing about other people's opinions of you, keep your focus on Me.   Ultimately, it's my view of you that counts."

Wow.  If that isn't God speaking directly to a concern of my heart in that moment I don't know what is.

That kind of thing happens over and over again.  I believe that God is constantly speaking to me and ministering to me whether I am tuned in to hearing it or not.  The blessings really flow when I move the dial around a bit and clear the static so I can really listen.  I spent years missing out on listening to the intimate teaching and comfort God was whispering to me.

And I spend hours, days, weeks missing out on it still even though I know it's there and I long to listen. My inner dialog and the noise of this world is intense!  My radio dial gets bumped all around, and it takes effort to carefully move it to a place where I can hear what really matters.  It takes discipline, and faith that there really will be something there worth hearing.  But the best part is when I finally zone in on the right frequency God isn't saying what took you so long?  Why can't you listen more and better?
He is saying I'm so glad you can hear me right now because my absolute favorite thing is when you and I are connected in Spirit and I can fill you with my Truth and Love.

And then I realize that's my absolute favorite thing, too!  I want to do life operating from a place of truth instead of from the false realities my mind can conjure.  When I focus on my own strength, my own plans, my own needs and ways I think I can get those life falls apart.  When I open myself to communion with God and listen to His plans, rely on His strength, believe He fills all my's like experiencing Heaven on earth.  Not in the sense of everything being perfect or pain-free but in the sense of being united with God in a way that overcomes fear, failure, loneliness, and greed.

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