The Competition Gene

Boys and girls are different. As much as current culture likes to shout out that men and women are basically interchangeable, that each has the exact same abilities, skills, and all the same emotional and physical qualities, I beg to differ. Just because men and women are equals, doesn't mean they are the same. This has become ever clearer as I raise my daughter and two sons.

My daughter would rather work with people than "best them." My boys want to be first, best, above, have more, and put the other boy down in the process. It's not that they are especially vicious about it (although sometimes they are...). They just want to come out ahead in every situation that involves the both of them. This leads, as one can imagine, to plenty of arguing, fussing, pushing, tugging, whining, screaming, and crying. It's like they have this radar going at all times to monitor what the other boy is doing or getting so that they can swoop in and get it first or do it first, or have more of it.

The strange thing is that they are more likely to be generous and selfless when dealing with Ava than when dealing with each other. Yes, they still bug her as only little brothers can. It's just in a different way.

And look out if you lay in the floor at our house. Laying in the floor is an obvious signal that screams out, "Come jump on me and wrestle!" What is it with boys when they see a person laying down? They absolutely can't resist physical contact. (Insert adult humor here.) It is hardwired into their systems.

And can we talk about independence for a minute. At a super young age, boys get this independent streak that just about drives me crazy. They won't let anyone help them do anything. I've got to leave 15 minutes early every time I go somewhere because Lucas has to put on his own shoes, open the van door, and climb into his car seat without assistance. He can barely do these things, but if I help him he screams. He will undo anything I did to help and start over at square one. I remember Ava having some independent qualities but nothing like this.

I find it interesting how men and women differ, and how it is evident so early in life. I love the myriad of qualities in each of my children. Some are personality traits that could be found in either gender, but some of their qualities have to do with the genetics of being a girl or a boy. I don't pretend to understand the unique mixture of personality and genetics or how those two things come together in each human being. There are girls with a mean independence streak. There are boys that like to work together. But it sure seems like there are tendencies toward certain ways of thinking and behaving that are gender oriented.